Carry On
by KHWriter.com
Summary: Scars, bruises, blood. Shattered and tattered into fragment pieces. All because of one misunderstanding and a eating disorder. My name is Shiki Misaki, and I have anorexia. Kind of AU. Eri and UG Shiki are two different people in this story.
1. Skinny

**Theme: Skinny**

* * *

There was a time when I was fat.

Hard to believe, right?

I was around 200 pounds when I was little.

People hated me, and I heard whispers behind my back.

I even heard someone say "Fatty McFatfat" to me.

This made my life miserable.

Even my parents hated me.

They practically banished people who were fat.

So they banished me.

From my life.

No freedom at all.

Just abusement.

If you looked on my back, you would see carved writings in there, written by a knife, from my father.

I started crying and cutting myself.

I thought I was a giant among people.

I was a giant.

I am a giant.

One day, I told my parents to stop.

That they should respect me for who I am.

What did I get?

Laughter.

Evil laughter.

So they abused me more, saying that I'm a piece of shit.

Scars, bruises, blood.

Everytime when I try to eat, I end up going to the bathroom.

I'm scared of gaining weight.

People say "OMG, Shiki! You're sooo skinny!"

But even now, I'm not.

That's when I found out who I am.

My name is Shiki Misaki, and I have anorexia.

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**My new depressing story about Shiki xD**

**Hope you enjoyed~**

**Don't be afraid to review!**


	2. Cuts

**Theme: Cuts**

* * *

I don't really know why I started cutting myself when I was around 10 years old. But I do have a half-reason.

Even though I was a happy person outside from my house, I really wasn't.

I know that if I asked my best friends to describe me in one word, I know what they would say.

"Shiki? You? Hilarious!"

"Funny!"

"Awesome!"

"Beautiful." That one I hated the most.

"Hyper."

I know that I was I even laughed at my own jokes.

But anyways, If you see me while I was alone, you'll think differently.

Everytime I was alone, I think about my life. How terrible it is. How beautiful it's not. How it should be.

Because of this, I cry.

Then my parents come and tell me that I'm a useless piece of shit for crying.

Then I would cry more, and then they'd get really pissed.

Then bring out the belt.

It's kind of like a pattern, or a cycle.

So one day I locked myself in the bathroom and looked around everywhere.

Then I saw this little bottle with bamboo incense sticks in it.

So I grabbed one and held out my fat wrist, and sliced the stick against it.

God, it felt good.

I did it again. For about six straight minutes, until my wrist was fire engine red.

It wasn't bleeding, so that was another reason why I liked it.

I was afraid that I was going to get scars, so I put some shea butter on it and pulled my sweater sleeve over my wrist.

Walking out of the bathroom, I kind of got a lift off my shoulders in a way.

Besides, my parents wouldn't expect something that extreme from a 10 year old.

So I kept doing it. About once a day.

What else can I say?

When I got older, I started cutting myself- first with sticks, then with plastic knives, then butter knives, and finally- the knive my mother uses to cut apples.

I felt the same feeling.

The thing is, everytime I'm near a knife, I just want to plunge it into my stomach and fall to the ground.

Now that I think about it, I'm starting to ask myself why I didn't do that sooner.

* * *

**Realllyy depressing chappy!**

**So yeah.**

**I think I'm gonna make one chappy everytime I feel like a piece of shit.**

**So..Next chappy might come out tomorrow or next week!**

**See ya guys.**


	3. Bullies

**Theme: Bullies.**

* * *

Isn't it terrible when you look around and everyone you see you know is going to betray you?

I think I have that.

Apart from all the shit that was going around my family life, I still had to go to school. I wanted to be a famous psychiatrist, and maybe talk to kids, and teenagers. I think it would be pretty easy, because maybe some of those teenagers and kids might have been going through what I'm going through now. Cutting, Family, and abuse. And I could help them. I think kids will be 10 dollars, and teens will be 12. I'm not really sure; I want it to be enough for middle class families, like ours.

Anyways..

Yeah, I wanted to kill myself so bad sometimes. But then I think about my life. My future children..How I have to help them. Then eventually I put the knife down and sigh.

I think at my school I have more 'bullies' than 'friends'.

In fact, everyone notices how I am.. Everyone knows that Shiki Misaki is not the girl who you think.

Shiki Misaki cuts herself.

Shiki Misaki is abused.

All that stuff.

Hell, I even think that the teachers know this.

Maybe that's why they give sympathy to me sometimes.

Even though I was anorexic, I still wanted to fit in- To be part of something for saw me trying, and they made fun of me for that.

Is that such a bad thing?

Do they even know what I'm going through? I bet if Aurora was me, she would be dead by now. She's not all that strong for handling this torture.

I am. Well, I know I'm not strong, like Oh-look-at-me-I-can-pick-up-an-advil- strong, but..I guess I'm heart strong. I really want to continue my life, no matter what hurts me along the way.

I wonder sometimes who I'm going to marry. I mean, who would marry me, a girl with anorexia who's been abused since she was little? I guess I have to find one of those guys who I'll be with- forever.

That's going to be one of my tough challenges.

And to be honest with you, the bullies aren't helping.

Aurora, Jasmine, Alice, and Ariel. They all go together in a little group. Mostly everyone calls them "Them." For example, Selphie really wants to be with "Them." I don't. I'd rather kill myself to be a part of them. I know I wanted to be part of them, but not "Them." I wanted to be part of another group, like a club. Not an Emo club or anything.

I'm still trying to figure this 's harder than you think.

One day, when I was walking from school, I ran into "Them.", and a couple of boys- from another school, I think. One of them was Seifer. Ooh, Seifer. I hate him. He knocks up girls. I think he knocked up Yuna, who also was one of "Them.". Who knows where she is now.

Anyways..

Once I ran into them, Seifer gave this weird smile and "Them." started giggling. Some of the boys were chanting "Go get her, Seif!"

I was terrified. Was this dude gonna rape me or something.

Before I knew it, I was pushed to the wall and liplocking with Seifer.

I kicked him in the groin and he and me fell down.

"Get her!"

"Them." and the boys started kicking and punching me.

I would've screamed for help, but suddenly my voice never came.

They were going to kill me.

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**So yeah..**

**Bye, you guys.**

**Hope you liked this chapter.**

**See ya.**


	4. Death

**Theme: Death**

* * *

How did I know that I was going to die?

Good question.

Might I tell you that I've been abused.

And these guys are kicking, punching, one of them trying to take my shirt off..

I'd say that I have about 20% chance of living after this.

That's great.

I knew my time was going to come sooner, anyways.

* * *

Is it done? Am I dead?

I look up, and all I see is blood, blood, blood. And evil faces- like they were possessed.

I guess I'm not dead.

How long has it been?

Are they tired of seeing me shrivel yet?

I cuddle up into a ball and put my head between my legs. My face faces the ground.

What do I do now? I'm not even strong enough to talk.

I start crying softy, my breathing getting shallower and shallower.

Is this it?

I hear a voice from a distance. It sounds like a scream.

Is it mine?

What?

There's more shoving and pushing, but not from Seifer or his gang.

It's someone else.

He has spiky orange hair and purple headphones that fall to the ground and breaks.

He grabs my hand and yanks me out of the crowd.

What is this guy doing?

Doesn't he know that he, too, will become like me?

The guy runs away with me. I think I'm going to faint.

Perhaps this guy is kidnapping me?

"Don't worry.." The guy says. His voice sounds trusting.

I try to catch my breath, trying to say a "Thank you."

But I don't. I close my eyes and for a minute, the world goes blank.

* * *

I'm pretty sure I'm dead now.

Suddenly, I'm floating in thin air.

Clouds are around me, and the sky is a dark blue.

"Where..am..I?" I whispered.

A soft but familiar giggle is heard and I turn around."Who's there?"

A bright glow appears five inches in front of me. Then, in the glow; an outline of a girl is formed.

The glow vanishes and the outline of the girl turns into someone I've wanted to see.

She has short black hair, ocean blue eyes, pale skin, and she is wearing a long white dress, with bright white wings that spread from below her shoulders. Her face looked at peace- for once.

Tears gather at my eyes. Can this be?

"Xion." I choked out.

Xion smiled and nodded. She put one finger to her lips and sighed.

"Xion;" I sob again. Oh, how much I've missed my childhood friend!

Xion was just like me, except she was was abused at eight, and I was there to help her. I treated her just like a daughter. She looked up at me, just like a mother. But one day, the abuse got too much for Xion. Before some of her last breaths, her parents threw her outside in the cold, winter night.

I happened to see her from my window and quickly rushed over.I pleaded her to take her to the hospital. I didn't want her to die at such a young age- at 10 years old!

"No, Shiki.." Xion gasped and smiled with tears in her eyes."You know..I always knew I was going to die. Some day. And this was the day. But Shiki..I'm not afraid of dying.. I'm afraid of how much time I had left..How should I use it.." She inhaled and I touched her soft black hair, trying to soothe her.

"Shiki..I believe that I've used the time I've had wisely..With you.." The last two worlds swept out of her mouth in a breath, and she was gone.

The only friend I had, gone in the matter of few seconds.

Xion turned from 10 to 12. She looked so young, and just as innocent.

"Xion.." I whispered."Is this heaven?"

She looked down and nodded."Yes."

"After I died, I went to heaven, I've lived there for two years. It's really fun. I liked it. It's relaxing, and nothing like earth. Shiki, you have died. But you are pure enough to go live in heaven."

"But, Xion.." I whispered. I never planned to go to heaven, not like this! What adventures would await for me back down at earth...

"I see, Shiki. You want to go back to earth, don't you?"

"Yes.." Then again, I also wanted to be far away from the dangers and be here with Xion. But then, I knew that my future children are waiting for me..Somewhere.

"Yes." I repeated again.

"Very well." The ravenette nodded."The law says that you can be a few special people kind." She floated to a mirror and I did the same.

"May I ask what kind of people?"

"People who are treated badly but still do good." Xion answered, and waved a hand over the mirror turned into what was happening now. I was in a hospital bed, with the guy who 'rescued' me and another girl- perhaps his girlfriend.

"But Xion- If that's what the law said...Then you can surely go back!"

She smiled sadly."It's far too late, Shiki.I can't just raise up from that grave you , I always didn't like this world. I didn't know where to go in order to become an astronaut."

"Oh, Xion..Will I ever see you again?" I whispered.

"Oh, Shiki.I'll always be with in your heart." She smiled sadly."Goodbyee, Shikiii.." her voice turned into echos and I suddenly woke up on a hospital bed, scared faces around me.

I'm back to Earth.

* * *

**For you people who don't play Kingdom Hearts, Xion is from Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days.**

**She is referred to a replica- or puppet.**

**And she's my favorite character in all the series.**

**For that 'law' in Heaven..**

**I really don't know if it's true or not. So.. yeah.**

**Bye.**


	5. Friends

**Theme: Friends**

* * *

"Oh my gosh! I-It's a miracle!"

"How can this happen?!"

"I swear that the line on the monitor was flat a few seconds ago!"

I felt like rolling my eyes. I tried to, but I couldn't.

I reached my hand to touch my head and I felt bandages.

I didn't see anything - everything was black.

"Oh dear, you're temporarily blind. I'm sorry." I heard a soft female voice say.

I shrugged. Who cares? No one I care about is living anymore.

* * *

_A girl with wavy pink hair is standing in the middle of a street._

_In front of her she sees a boy with spiky orange hair and another girl with short black hair._

_The girl with wavy pink hair smiles and starts running to them._

_The boy and girl don't seem to notice her._

_They start kissing._

_The girl with pink hair is horrified and tried to get the boy's attention, telling him to stop._

_They don't notice the girl with pink hair at all but start having an intense make-out session in front of her, then walk away, giggling._

_The girl with pink hair cries out in sudden pain. Suddenly, as if everything was normal, the boy with spiky orange hair and his 'girlfriend' ran over to her._

_The girl with pink hair cries more, pushing them away. She cries more and more, tears of blood slipping down her face._

_The girl is heartbroken._

_She dies on the street, like a moldy rat._

_Minutes later, she is greeted by a sad childhood friend at the gate of heaven._

* * *

"Ah!" I groaned and immediately sat up, followed by an immense amount of pain from everywhere. I felt invisible tears at my eyes. Too bad I can't open them- I'm still blind.

What a dream...What does it even mean? I feel my hair, covered in sweat and I sighed, then leaned back down to the bed.

"Shiki Misaki?" A small voice interrupted my thoughts. "That's me." I mumbled, prepared for other worse news this nurse might give me.

"You can open your eyes now." she said, and I felt my bandages being took off. I'm still blind? Hell, I didn't even notice that till now. But who can't notice darkness?

I tried to force my eyes to open, but they felt like they were glued shut. I guess that the nurse saw me trying, because the next thing I knew, some hot liquid was on my eyes."This is just a cotton ball dipped in hot water." the nurse said, and I shrugged. I wouldn't mind if it was gasoline and she was going to light me on fire.

"Okay, you may open your eyes now." I slowly opened my eyes. At first, the world is blurry. Then I see a small female in front of me with brown hair and pretty blue eyes. She's wearing a sundress instead of a nurse's uniform, which makes me confused. Her name tag says "Aerith Gainsborough".

"Thank you." I mumble, but Aerith still looks at me sadly. I suddenly feel cold and look at my now bare arms. My heart stops. Of course! She took off my jacket and found my stupid cuts! I feel around my neck and find out that my worn-out scarf isn't there, either. My suicide attempt, which was a rope around my neck- was there, formed in a circular scar around my neck.

"I-I.."

"Don't worry, Shiki.." Aerith smiled."I know someone who used to be just like you. He is doing great..I'm sure you will too, as a great physician."

I'm confused. How did this lady know what I wanted to be when I turned older?

Apparently she read my mind and smiled."I could tell."

I find myself trying to smile."Can I go now?"

"Of course you can. Goodbye, Shiki."

"Bye, A-Aerith."

I grab my jacket and scarf, quickly put them on, and walk outside.

I find a boy, about 15 years old, but way taller than me. He looks up, grunts, then walks away.

Spiky orange hair.

It's him.

The boy from my dreams.

And the boy who rescued me from being killed.

What should I do? I have to follow him. But I doubt he's going to say anything. Is this guy really the one who 'killed' me in my dreams?

"Hey.." I croaked."Hey!"

"What?" he says in an annoyed voice and turns around.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you save me?"

He glared at me, like I was stupid, and put his ear buds in his ears. I trot over to him painfully, since my body still aches.

"Why?" I asked him again. "Why me?"

"Because.." He cleared his throat and looked at me."What kind of idiot would I be if I passed a girl who was turning into mashed potatoes by some stupid peanut brained bullies?"

"That's racist." I mumbled. Mashed potatoes? Really? Am I that pale?

"Whatever, kid." he continued walking.

"Humph.." I kept on walking with him for a while, and he didn't say a word. I found out that he was listening to Linkin' Park.

"Do you ever talk?" I asked.

He sighed. "Do you ever leave? I don't talk to strangers, no thank you."

This guy is a handful.

"Well then. I'm Shiki Misaki."

"Good to know, not that I will really need you and your stupid name."

It's like he's the time bomb and I'm the damsel in distress waiting for me to die. He looked like he was gonna explode any second.

I wasn't really insulted. I've faced much worse.

I continued following him. He never said a word, though he made me curious. Who is he, really?

I heard a ringtone, and it was his phone. He picked it up and cleared his throat.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Neku!"

Neku. So that's his name.

"Hi, Eri."

Why was he so cheerful all of a sudden?

Could that 'Eri' be his GIRLFRIEND?

Another flashback blurs into my mind.

* * *

_In front of her she sees a boy with spiky orange hair and another girl with short black hair._

_The girl with wavy pink hair smiles and starts running to them._

_The boy and girl don't seem to notice her._

_They start kissing._

_The girl with pink hair is horrified and tried to get the boy's attention, telling him to stop._

_They don't notice the girl with pink hair at all but start having an intense make-out session in front of her, then walk away, giggling._

_The girl with pink hair cries out in sudden pain. Suddenly, as if everything was normal, the boy with spiky orange hair and his 'girlfriend' ran over to her._

_The girl with pink hair cries more, pushing them away. She cries more and more, tears of blood slipping down her face._

_The girl is heartbroken._

_Heartbroken._

_HEARTBROKEN._

* * *

I come back to real life, scared. These two are going to kill me, aren't they?

But who said that dreams come true? I had dreamed for everything, especially having a great family. But that never happened.

So maybe I can do that now.

I need to find out a way to not have them be together. But first I have to befriend them.

Friends.

Oh, how I miss my old ones..

The ones who left me to rotten..

I hope..

This time..

They won't leave me to die.

* * *

**Ta-da.**

**I'm sorry if I haven't updated in a loong time..**

**Oh, I forgot.**

**Someone dared me to say one fact about me each time I publish a chapter.**

**So, I'm doing that..**

**It might be fun.**

**Fact #1.**

**I am an only child.**


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